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Monthly Group Supervision

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DBT Skills Group

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Life Hacks: Coping Skills and CBT in the real world

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Communication in Interpersonal Relationships

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The Future is Now: Incorporating Virtual Reality into Social Work Practice

Perfectionism, oh sweet agony, the art of never feeling good enough no matter how hard we try. Let's dive into our perfectionist woes and some of the ways we're treating it.

5 Reasons We're Stuck in Perfectionism Hell

1. Fear of Epic Failures: We're petrified of failing spectacularly, so we strive for perfection to avoid becoming the laughingstock of our own nightmares. Perfectionists often have an intense fear of making mistakes or falling short of their own or others' expectations. This fear drives them to strive for flawlessness in everything they do.

2. Approval Addiction: We crave validation like plants crave sunlight, believing that perfection will make us shine brighter in the eyes of others. Some individuals develop perfectionistic tendencies due to a deep-seated need for approval and validation from others. They believe that being perfect will earn them acceptance and praise. Spoiler alert: it won't. 


3. Self-Esteem Limbo: Our self-worth is a rollercoaster ride tied to our achievements. If we're not perfect, we're basically human garbage. Fun times. Perfectionism can stem from low self-esteem, where individuals believe that their worth is tied to their achievements and accomplishments. They constantly seek perfection as a way to feel worthy and valued.


4. Control Freaks United: We cling to control like a drowning person clings to a life raft, hoping to steer clear of any rough waters that might mess up our perfect little boat. Perfectionists may struggle with control issues, wanting to have complete control over every aspect of their lives to avoid any potential for failure or disappointment.

5. Comparison Olympics: We're the gold medalists in the Comparison Olympics, constantly striving to outshine everyone else because losing is for losers, obviously. Constantly comparing oneself to others and feeling the need to outperform them can fuel perfectionistic tendencies. The desire to be the best can be a driving force behind perfectionism.

1. Lower Your Standards (JK!): Pretend to lower your standards, but secretly keep them impossibly high. It's the perfect illusion of progress without actually changing a thing. Challenge your unrealistic standards of perfection. Work to understand that it's okay to make mistakes and that perfection is an unattainable goal.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Convince yourself that self-compassion is a thing while secretly beating yourself up for not being perfect at self-compassion. Learn to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance. Be kind to yourself, even when things don't go as planned. This is tied to learning that mistakes happen and it's not a reflection of your worth.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Set goals that are slightly less insane than your usual ones. Congratulate yourself for being "realistic" while secretly plotting world domination. But seriously, set realistic and achievable goals. Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps to reduce the pressure of perfectionism. This may also help you feel motivated to move forward, celebrating small wins and building the confidence to complete the task.

4. Embrace Imperfection: Post about embracing imperfection on social media while editing your imperfections out of every selfie. One of my favorite sayings is "wabi sabi" - which is  a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. You can work to embrace imperfection and see mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. Shift the focus from perfection to progress.

5. Therapy, Because Laughter is the Best Medicine, duh: Go to therapy and laugh hysterically about the absurdity of trying to be perfect. Bonus points if your therapist is a sarcastic genius. If you are struggling with perfectionism, seek support from a therapist. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques can be particularly effective in addressing perfectionistic tendencies.

Perfectionism can have underlying reasons such as fear of failure, need for approval, low self-esteem, control issues, and comparison with others. However, with the right strategies and support, individuals can learn to manage and overcome perfectionism, leading to improved mental well-being and a healthier approach to life's challenges. 

Embrace the madness, laugh at the chaos, and remember that perfectionism is just a really bad joke we keep telling ourselves.


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The Perfectionism Paradox: 5 Reasons We're Doomed and 5 Ways to Treat It

You gotta start somewhere, right? Even the most prestigious therapist started as an intern - learning therapeutic techniques and growing alongside their clients. You should always make an informed decision when choosing a therapist and yes, as with any decision, there are disadvantages to having an intern. To keep you informed - we’ll discuss the hidden advantages of seeing an intern for therapy here.

There is no therapist, I repeat, no therapist who has more motivation, time, and energy to throw at your case than an intern. Finally getting to practice everything they’ve learned after years of education is both scary and exciting. If something’s not working, you better believe the intern will work to find something that will. And because interns typically have smaller caseloads, there is more time to treatment plan and prepare for sessions.

Interns must be supervised by an experienced therapist for at least one hour per week. This means interns have access to highly skilled therapists (and often a network of highly skilled therapists when working in a group practice) who are teaching modalities and techniques that are specific to your case. An intern grows by asking questions and soaking up any knowledge they can get while practicing. Sometimes you may find that a more experienced therapist doesn’t consult with anyone to better their treatment on a case or isn’t willing to ask for help when needed.

Modern Mindest and Evidence-Based Practices

Interns are learning about evidence-based practices in their educational courses and with their supervisors during their internship. This means they provide treatment backed by data and research proven effective. With concurrent learning, interns are encouraged to keep up with modern-day stressors and evolve, like how social media changed the mental health landscape or COVID birthed greater access to virtual therapy. Some seasoned therapists are operating in traditional therapeutic modalities that may not work for everyone in the present day.

One of the benefits to working with an intern is that you can get started right away. As you may already know if you've been searching, almost every therapist is fully booked with a wait list. An intern has immediate availability and if you’re looking for support right now, you can expect to receive services in the next week or two – not in an undetermined number of months from now.

Interns are a driving force in making therapy accessible to all people. From very low session rates down to free, choosing an intern therapist can keep money in your pocket, with little downside. Looking to see a therapist in a group practice, but they are full? Try your hat with the intern. Most of the time they are learning from the therapist you were hoping to see anyways!


Whether you choose an intern therapist or not - the choice to start therapy at all is your first win. And always remember - you’re not married to your therapist. If it’s not working, talk to them to see if changes can be made in your sessions or move along to a new therapist. Intern or experienced, not every therapist will be the perfect fit for you and we encourage you to keep looking until it feels right. Want to get started with therapy? Open to seeing our intern? Connect with us today!

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5 Reasons To Choose an Intern Therapist

Entering the realm of adulthood often brings a wave of new experiences, challenges, and questions. Among these, understanding one's sexuality and navigating intimate relationships can be both exciting and daunting. This is where sex therapy steps in as a valuable resource for those seeking guidance and support in their journey towards a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

At any age, you might find yourself at a crossroads, grappling with various aspects of your identity, including your sexual self. Sex therapy is a specialized form of counseling that aims to address concerns related to sexual function, desire, and intimacy. It provides a safe space for individuals or couples to explore and navigate the complexities of their sexual well-being.

Sex therapy is not solely about physical intimacy; it encompasses a broader spectrum, including emotional, psychological, and relational aspects of sexuality. The goal is to create a supportive environment where clients can discuss concerns openly, free from judgment or stigma. A certified sex therapist is trained to address a variety of issues, such as communication problems, performance anxiety, body image concerns, and desire discrepancies.

Communication and Intimacy: Sex therapy often involves improving communication skills within relationships. Effective communication is crucial for understanding each other's needs, desires, and boundaries.

Performance Anxiety: Whether it's concerns about sexual performance or managing anxiety related to intimacy, a sex therapist can help individuals and couples navigate these challenges.

Desire Discrepancies: Mismatched libidos or differences in sexual desire can be a source of tension in relationships. Sex therapy provides a platform to explore these differences and find ways to create a satisfying balance.

Body Image and Self-Esteem: Issues related to body image can significantly impact one's sexual confidence. Sex therapy addresses these concerns and promotes a positive self-image.

Sexual Orientation and Identity: For those exploring their sexuality or dealing with issues related to sexual orientation, sex therapy offers a non-judgmental space for self-discovery and acceptance.

Engaging in sex therapy typically begins with an initial assessment where the therapist gathers information about your concerns, background, and goals. This is a collaborative process where both the therapist and the client work together to create a customized plan.

Sessions may involve various therapeutic techniques, including talk therapy, education, and sometimes even practical exercises. The therapist's role is to guide and support, offering tools and strategies to address specific challenges.

One of the essential aspects of sex therapy is breaking down the stigma associated with discussions about sexuality. It's normal to have questions, concerns, or struggles in this area, and seeking help is a courageous step towards personal growth and improved well-being.



Navigating your sexual journey is a personal and unique experience. Sex therapy is a resource that empowers individuals and couples to explore, understand, and enhance their sexual well-being. By fostering open communication, addressing concerns, and promoting a positive view of sexuality, sex therapy becomes a valuable companion on the journey towards a fulfilling and satisfying intimate life. Start your journey with us today.

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Sex Therapy Unveiled: Navigating Intimacy and Well-being

Bringing a new life into the world is a joyous and transformative experience. However, for some new parents, the period following childbirth can be accompanied by a range of emotions, including feelings of sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion. These emotions, when persistent and severe, may be indicative of postpartum depression (PPD). We will outline symptoms, explore examples, and provide practical tips to help new parents navigate through this challenging phase.

Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that affects new parents, typically within the first few weeks or months after childbirth. It is estimated that around 10-20% of new mothers and 10% of new fathers experience PPD. It is important to note that PPD is not a reflection of a person's ability to parent or their love for their child. It is a medical condition that requires understanding, support, and appropriate treatment.

Having a baby is a major life change. PPD can affect anyone who:

This is more than the “baby blues”. Up to 80% of women experience a range of highs and lows during pregnancy or following the delivery. Usually, these baby blues are mild and pass quickly. Joining a support group for new moms or talking with other parents can help you get a handle on normal baby blues. 

**Men can also experience PPD. The above statistics reflect research conducted in only women.

Recognizing the Symptoms of Postpartum Depression

Persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessnes

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

Fatigue and lack of energy, even with adequate rest

Changes in appetite, either increased or decreased

Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or excessive self-blame

Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

Thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby

About 10% of all new fathers experience postpartum depression, from the 1st trimester of pregnancy through 1 year postpartum, most commonly when the baby is 3-6 months old. Although there is a lot of overlap, some signs of depression in men may differ from women such as emotional response (frustration, irritability, anger, aggression), spending more or less time at work, withdrawing from family or friends, and substance abuse. The recommended treatment of PPD in fathers is the same as for women.


Real-Life Examples of Postpartum Depression

Okay, but what does this look like really? Sometimes the symptoms are subtle or what society has painted as the “normal new parent experience”, one of the main reasons PPD often is overlooked and ignored. Both examples below highlight what many people think are typical responses to a new baby, but may be symptoms of PPD.

Sarah, a new mother, finds herself constantly crying and feeling overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. She struggles to bond with her baby and experiences intense guilt for not feeling the expected joy.

Mark, a new father, feels irritable and angry most of the time. He has difficulty sleeping and experiences a loss of interest in activities he once enjoyed. He finds it challenging to connect with his partner and baby.

Tips to Help Overcome Postpartum Depression

Seek Professional Help: Reach out to a healthcare provider, such as a doctor or therapist, who specializes in postpartum mental health. They can provide guidance, support, and recommend appropriate treatment options. 

Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with understanding and empathetic individuals, such as family, friends, or support groups. Sharing your feelings and experiences can help alleviate the sense of isolation. Professional support groups are available at Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net), Office on Women’s Health (www.womenshealth.gov), or Online PPD Support Group (www.ppdsupportpage.com).

Prioritize Self-Care: Take time for yourself to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This can include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking a break from parenting responsibilities. This can even look like walking into another room for 5 minutes to take a break. Let the baby cry.

Communicate with Your Partner: Openly discuss your feelings with your partner and work together to share the responsibilities of parenting. Effective communication and support from your partner can make a significant difference.

Take Small Steps: Break tasks into manageable chunks and set realistic goals for yourself. Celebrate small victories and be gentle with yourself during this challenging time.

Educate Yourself: Learn more about postpartum depression and its effects. Understanding the condition can help you navigate through it and seek appropriate help when needed.

Consider Therapy Options: Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or interpersonal therapy (IPT), can be effective in treating postpartum depression. It provides a safe space to explore and address underlying emotions and challenges.

Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage the symptoms of postpartum depression. Consult with a healthcare professional to determine if medication is appropriate for you.

Postpartum depression is a common and treatable condition that affects many new parents. By recognizing the symptoms, seeking support, and implementing self-care strategies, it is possible to overcome PPD and enjoy the journey of parenthood. Remember, you are not alone, and help is available. Reach out, prioritize your mental health, and embrace the joy that comes with being a new parent.

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Understanding and Overcoming Postpartum Depression: A Guide for New Parents

The first and most important reason for young adults in NYC to start therapy is to prioritize their mental health. The fast-paced lifestyle, competitive job market, and social pressures can take a toll on our emotional well-being. Therapy provides a safe space to express our thoughts and feelings, helping us develop coping mechanisms to navigate the daily stressors of city life. It allows us to address anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns, empowering us to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

Gen Z has the power to break the stigma surrounding therapy. In many ways, Gen Z has already chiseled away at old beliefs around mental health and asking for help. In a city known for its resilience and diversity, seeking therapy should be seen as a sign of strength rather than weakness. By openly discussing our experiences with therapy, we can create a supportive community that encourages others to seek help when needed. Let's challenge the notion that therapy is only for those with severe mental health issues and embrace it as a proactive step toward personal growth and self-improvement.

NYC is a melting pot of cultures, ideas, and relationships. Whether it's romantic, platonic, or familial - relationships can be complex and challenging to navigate. Therapy provides a space to explore and understand our own patterns and behaviors, helping us build healthier and more fulfilling connections. By working through relationship challenges with a therapist, we can develop effective communication skills, set boundaries, and cultivate empathy, ultimately leading to more meaningful and authentic connections in our lives.

Oh, there's a competitive job market in NYC? Noooo way. 

As young adults, we often find ourselves juggling multiple responsibilities and striving for success. Therapy can be a valuable resource for career support and guidance. A therapist can help us navigate career transitions, manage work-related stress, and develop strategies to achieve our professional goals. By addressing our fears, insecurities, and imposter syndrome, therapy empowers us to embrace our strengths and pursue fulfilling careers that align with our passions and values.

Get connected to your perfect match today.

In the fast-paced and demanding environment of New York City, therapy offers a lifeline for young adults. By prioritizing our mental health, breaking the stigma, navigating relationships, and seeking career support, therapy equips us with the tools to thrive in this vibrant city. Let's embrace therapy as a powerful resource for personal growth, self-discovery, and overall well-being. Together, we can create a generation that prioritizes mental health and supports one another on our journey to success and happiness in the greatest city in the world.

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Gen Z: The Beating Heart of Therapy in NYC

If I didn’t introduce the practice with a premiere blog post about boundaries, then what are we even doing?

Yes, our practice is named after one of the most important aspects of therapy and self-care - setting boundaries. Some would say I’m a nerd for boundaries. My clients and I have laughed together at their ability to predict when I’m about to call them out on their boundaries. They can be so simple and so complicated at the same time. They can be flexible and rigid. They can be honored and violated. But most importantly, they are individualized to each one of us - never right or wrong (if you haven’t heard me say it yet - throw out “right” and “wrong” from your vocabulary moving forward). More on that later.

Healthy boundaries can enhance your relationships with others. Seriously - they can help you crush life. In a simple statement, boundaries can teach others how to treat you (i.e. how you want to be treated). A secondary gain of setting boundaries is to be able to separate yourself from someone else's emotional reaction. Let’s break down the primary and secondary goals of boundaries.

When you set a boundary, you are telling someone to not cross it or they will not have access to you. Let’s look at an example:

	Mothers - they get a bad wrap in therapy, huh?

You’re on the phone with your mom and she starts talking about your weight, your frequent seamless orders, your never-scheduled dermatologist appointment…you know what I’m talking about. 

“Mom - I don’t want to talk about my weight right now.”  - Easy…..but she keeps going. 

“Mom - I’m going to go if you keep talking about my weight. I told you that I don’t want to talk about that right now.” …She either accepts this boundary and moves on to something else. All is well in the world. OR she violates this boundary after being told twice and you choose to end the phone call. You are restricting her access to you if she does not respect your boundary. This can be restated in other moments as reminders - “I would prefer you don’t make comments about my weight or eating habits. If you do, I will not continue the conversation.”  And I get it - we don't talk like this most of the time, but my clients would tell you that they have found ways to communicate this in their own style and it can be effective.

No, not all boundaries mean cutting the person out of your life. This is an overgeneralization of boundaries we hear all the time. Yes, you may restrict access in ways, but you do not need to cut all communication out. Of course, there are situations and/or people that we may remove from our lives, but that is typically done with thoughtful consideration, reminders of the boundaries, and consistent violation of them.

You are not responsible for the emotional reaction of someone else.

If you are constantly people-pleasing and worrying about other people’s reactions, you were probably told as a child - 

“You’re making me angry.” “That makes grandma sad when you don’t give her a hug.” 

We are taught from a very young age that our words/behaviors directly affect others and we must act accordingly… to not make Daddy angry or Grandma sad. But the jig is up, you are not responsible for the happiness of others. 

People will have a reaction to you based on their own past experiences and core beliefs. This means you could literally do everything perfectly, say everything in the nicest way, think about the other person compassionately, and it’s still possible that person gets mad, angry, sad, etc. Repeat the same scenario with a totally different person and they may not be bothered at all. When we anticipate someone else's reaction, we take away their independence and choice in the relationship. We are saying we don’t trust them to be able to manage their own emotions or tolerate an authentic interaction. We are yearning for control and trying to avoid dealing with those pesky negative emotions people have. Part of practicing healthy boundaries is the acceptance of sadness, anger, disappointment, and other uncomfortable feelings.

So next time you express your want or need, allow the other person to have their reaction, whatever it is. If they are mad, they are allowed to be mad. If they are content, they are allowed to be content. You will learn to tolerate someone else having an emotional response and understand that you are not in control of it. This is a hard one, but oh so valuable.

Let's review some core features of healthy boundaries:

Clear communication: Clear communication of one's needs, wants, and expectations are essential. This means expressing oneself assertively and honestly without being aggressive or passive.

Self-respect: Healthy boundaries involve having respect for oneself and valuing one's own needs, feelings, and opinions. This means being able to say no when something is not in one's best interest or when it goes against one's values.

Mutual respect: Having respect for others and their boundaries is equally important. This means recognizing and accepting the boundaries of others without trying to change or manipulate them.

Flexibility: Some level of flexibility to accommodate the needs and wants of oneself and others is required. This means being willing to negotiate and compromise without sacrificing one's own well-being.

Consistency: We must be consistent in how we communicate and enforce boundaries. This means following through on consequences when someone crosses a boundary, and not making exceptions for certain people or situations.

Self-awareness: Healthy boundaries involve being aware of one's own feelings, needs, and limits. This means paying attention to one's own emotions and physical sensations to determine when a boundary has been crossed.

Self-care: Practicing self-care to maintain physical and emotional well-being are a critical part of healthy boundaries. This means setting aside time for oneself to rest, relax, and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.

Book recommendations if you want to read more about healthy boundaries:

Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

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Boundaries = your greatest life hack

Picture this: a squirrel on a double espresso, bouncing off the walls, and chasing its own tail. That's ADHD in a nutshell. People with ADHD are like the Energizer Bunny on steroids, constantly seeking stimulation and struggling to focus on one thing at a time. They have the attention span of a goldfish with short-term memory issues.

Now, let's meet anxiety, the overthinking champion of the world. If there was an Olympic event for worrying, anxiety would take home the gold medal every time. These individuals have a knack for imagining worst-case scenarios, turning molehills into mountains, and sweating over the tiniest details. They are the masters of "what if" scenarios and can make a simple decision feel like a life-or-death situation.

Imagine trying to have a conversation with someone who is constantly distracted by shiny objects, random thoughts, and the sound of a pin dropping three blocks away. These individuals have a mind that jumps from one topic to another. They can start a task with enthusiasm, only to be sidetracked by a catchy jingle.

Anxiety: The Perfectionist Extraordinaire

On the other hand, anxiety is the perfectionist extraordinaire. These individuals have an uncanny ability to obsess over every detail, striving for perfection in everything they do. They double-check their work, triple-check it, and then ask someone else to check it again. They are the kings and queens of "What if I mess up?" and "What if it's not good enough?"

If ADHD were a superhero, it would be the Impulsive Daredevil. These individuals have a knack for acting before thinking, often finding themselves in hilarious and sometimes embarrassing situations. They are the ones who blurt out inappropriate comments during a serious meeting or impulsively decide to dye their hair neon green just because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is the Worrying Time Traveler. These individuals have a remarkable ability to transport themselves to the future, imagining all the things that could go wrong. They worry about things that haven't even happened yet, creating a mental time machine that takes them on a rollercoaster ride of anxiety and stress.

In the battle of ADHD vs. anxiety, it's clear that these two conditions are as different as night and day. Both conditions come with their own set of challenges, but let's not forget to find humor in our quirks and embrace the uniqueness that makes us who we are. So, whether you're a squirrel on steroids or a worrywart time traveler, remember to laugh a little along the way. 

All jokes aside - what can I do about it?!

Medication: Consult with a healthcare professional to explore medication options that can help manage ADHD symptoms. Stimulant medications like Ritalin or Adderall are commonly prescribed, but non-stimulant alternatives are also available. Our practice can provide a comprehensive assessment of symptoms to diagnose and recommend the next steps.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Engage in therapy sessions with a trained therapist who specializes in ADHD. CBT can help individuals develop coping strategies, improve time management skills, and address negative thought patterns.

Organization and Structure: Establish routines, create to-do lists, and use visual aids like calendars or planners to help manage time and tasks. Breaking down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps can also be helpful. We’ve found Goblin Tools to be a helpful website/app using AI to break down large tasks and provide time management recommendations. 

Supportive Environment: Seek support from family, friends, or support groups who understand ADHD and can provide encouragement and understanding. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can make a significant difference in managing symptoms.

Exercise and Physical Activity: Engage in regular physical activity, as it can help reduce restlessness, improve focus, and boost overall mood. Activities like yoga, swimming, or team sports can be particularly beneficial.

Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques: Practice deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness meditation to help calm the mind and reduce anxiety symptoms. These techniques can be done anywhere and at any time.

Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Maintain a balanced diet, get regular exercise, and ensure sufficient sleep. A healthy lifestyle can contribute to overall well-being and help manage anxiety symptoms.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: Identify and challenge negative or irrational thoughts that contribute to anxiety. Replace them with more realistic and positive thoughts. Cognitive restructuring techniques can be learned through therapy or self-help resources.

Time Management and Prioritization: Develop effective time management skills to reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. Prioritize tasks, break them down into smaller steps, and set realistic goals. Utilize tools like planners or digital calendars to stay organized.

Self-Care and Stress Reduction: Engage in activities that promote self-care and relaxation, such as taking baths, reading, listening to music, or practicing hobbies. Engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation can help alleviate anxiety symptoms.

Remember, it's essential to consult with healthcare professionals, therapists, or counselors to tailor interventions and coping strategies to your specific needs. Each individual's experience with ADHD and anxiety is unique, and finding the right combination of interventions and coping skills may require some trial and error. Reach out to us today for a consult, assessment, and treatment options for ADHD and anxiety. 

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ADHD vs. Anxiety

Re-parenting is a powerful concept that holds immense potential for healing and personal growth. As a therapist (and millennial), I have witnessed the transformative effects of re-parenting techniques on people seeking to heal their inner child wounds. Giving yourself what you needed in childhood can not only improve your mental health, but build your self-esteem and foster growth and maturity as an adult. This tool can also be very helpful when becoming a parent yourself - altering generational patterns and being the parent you want to be.

Re-parenting involves providing the care and support that may have been lacking during our childhood. It is about nurturing our inner child and addressing unresolved wounds to foster emotional well-being. Every generation has faced specific challenges due to the changing dynamics of parenting styles and societal influences during their childhood years. The impact of technology, social media, and the fast-paced nature of modern life has left many of us yearning for the nurturing and guidance we may have missed. The traditional conceptualization of re-parenting was the therapist taking on the role of a nurturing, loving parent to the client. As we learn more about the process, we find there are ways to facilitate re-parenting by assuming this parental role as a therapist or empowering the client to heal their inner child themselves.

It is crucial to identify the unmet needs from your childhood. Emotional validation, unconditional love, and consistent support are common needs that may have been unfulfilled. By recognizing these needs, we can begin to provide ourselves with the care and compassion we deserve. Here are some common examples of unmet needs and how to re-parent:

Emotional validation - Being taught that what you feel is real and valid, no matter what anyone else thinks. Examples of this being an unmet need: You were told “Stop crying.” “That’s not a big deal.” “Why are you scared? It’s not scary.” In re-parenting, you would start to validate your feelings. Let yourself be sad. Or you’re feeling anxious about something - yes, something about this is hard for you. No need to pretend otherwise. Did someone offend you and your inner response is “You’re being stupid. It’s not a big deal. Why are you so upset about it?” - stop, validate that no matter how big or small, something about their statement struck a chord with you and you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. No judgment, no toxic positivity, just acceptance of the emotion.

Unconditional love: Knowing that someone loving you is not contingent on anything. This is your parents showing you that they won’t love you more or less if you win 1st place vs. 3rd. Examples of this being an unmet need: If you were taught (usually implicitly) that your parent would “love you more” if you followed the rules, got straight A’s, nailed the dance routine, etc. This comes out in adult life by way of people pleasing, the constant need to be perfect to be loved/accepted.  In re-parenting, you would practice self-compassion and acceptance. Sometimes creating a mantra can be helpful “I am not a bad mother. I am having a hard day.” “If I don’t get the job, it doesn’t mean I am a bad worker.” “Nailing this presentation doesn’t mean my boss will give me the promotion.” We must separate the idea that our actions (good or bad) equal our worthiness.

Self-compassion is a cornerstone of re-parenting. It involves acknowledging and accepting our emotions and experiences without judgment. We often face immense pressure to meet societal expectations, which can lead to self-criticism and self-doubt. Cultivating self-compassion through practices like journaling, mindfulness, and self-care allows us to nurture our inner child and heal our wounds. 

You didn’t think we’d get through this without the mention of boundaries, did you? Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential in the re-parenting journey. You may have grown up in an era where boundaries were blurred, especially with the rise of social media. Establishing boundaries with family, friends, and ourselves creates a safe and nurturing environment for personal growth. It allows us to protect our emotional well-being and prioritize our needs.

Boundaries are not used to control others, but rather identify internally or express your own needs and wants in a productive way to improve the relationship. See “Jonah Hill” for an example of what boundaries are not. Some simple examples of holding a healthy boundary would be taking time for self-care, even if it means turning down invitations or asking others to take on tasks. Or leaving a situation or conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. None of these boundaries are about controlling others’ actions, but rather your internal thermostat on making sure your needs are met.

Inner child work is a vital. Through visualization, journaling, and creative expression, we can connect with our inner child. This process allows us to provide the love, care, and support that may have been missing during our formative years. Some of this work can trigger memories and emotions left untapped in childhood, so the opportunity to practice emotional validation and unconditional love lies here. Seeking therapy and professional guidance can be immensely helpful in navigating this part of the healing journey. 

Re-parenting has a profound impact on our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. By addressing our inner child wounds, we can break negative patterns and attract healthier connections. Effective communication, vulnerability, and setting boundaries are essential in cultivating healthy relationships. A negative pattern of communication may be resorting to anger and yelling in order to be heard, because in your home growing up this was the only way to get the attention needed to express yourself. In re-parenting, you can validate your emotional response to feeling unheard and practice expressing to others the emotion you are feeling (“I feel” statements). This may help change the negative pattern which allows for healthier relationships with others.

Re-parenting is not a one-time fix but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and growth. It requires self-reflection, self-awareness, and a commitment to continuous learning. By embracing this process, we can foster resilience, self-esteem, and overall well-being. Re-parenting allows us to rewrite our narratives and create a future that aligns with our true selves. If you are someone who is a parent yourself or may become one - this journey can be eye-opening in how you choose to parent your child. 

Re-parenting is a powerful tool. By understanding the impact of our upbringing, identifying unmet needs, and cultivating self-compassion, you can work to integrate your inner child to the adult you are now. Remember, you have the power to re-parent yourself and create a future that is authentic. Or come seek out a professional and we’ll walk you along the way. 

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If you or someone you know is in a crisis, call 911 or contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

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The Perfectionism Paradox: 5 Reasons We're Doomed and 5 Ways to Treat It

5 Reasons To Choose an Intern Therapist

Sex Therapy Unveiled: Navigating Intimacy and Well-being

Understanding and Overcoming Postpartum Depression: A Guide for New Parents

Gen Z: The Beating Heart of Therapy in NYC

Boundaries = your greatest life hack

ADHD vs. Anxiety

Re-parenting 101

Press

Combating Burnout: How Workplaces Can Support Employees

How Can Teletherapy Tools Be Used in Mental Health?

Becoming Stress-Proof: Abigale Johnson of The Boundary On How To Reduce Or Eliminate Stress From Your Work

How to Become a Mental Health Counselor, According to 7 People Who Did It

How to Stop Being Nervous All the Time, According to 22 Experts

5 Things You Should Do to Optimize Your Wellness After Retirement

Continuing Education

Monthly Group Supervision

DBT Skills Group

Life Hacks: Coping Skills and CBT in the real world

Communication in Interpersonal Relationships

The Future is Now: Incorporating Virtual Reality into Social Work Practice

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